NICHOLAS BERNHARD

Writing

Non-Fiction

• Dealing in Death

  • I apologize if I’m cryptic. I have changed some details, and will withhold others. I would not reveal the name of this bookshop, or its owner, if you shoved bamboo slivers under my fingernails. I can only say I watched all this happen.

  • Published on 2026-10-22 in Yellow Scene magazine
• Yes Man

  • I am currently experiencing a higher-than-normal rage volume. For schadenfreudian purposes, this call is being recorded ….

  • Published on 2026-10-04 in Yellow Scene magazine
• The Stick Shift Misadventure

  • I told Steve about my plans to learn stick-shift. He offered to show me the basics before we completed the sale. This was, in hindsight, a very good choice.

  • Published on 2026-07-04 in Yellow Scene magazine
• Typing a Book on the IBM Executive

  • For those who have wondered what mountain life is like, sit down and let me tell you all about it.

  • Published in the Fall 2025 issue (#147) of ETCetera, the journal of the Typewriter Collectors’s Association.
• My Year in Summit County: Reflections on Life as a Local

  • For those who have wondered what mountain life is like, sit down and let me tell you all about it.

  • Published on 2025-04-25 in Yellow Scene magazine
• Metroid Fusion Review

  • It was on one of those night drives through the Utah desert, sitting in the back seat, that Metroid Fusion gave me a scare that has stayed with me for over twenty years.

  • Published in the Halloween 2024 issue of Tiny Frights magazine.
• From My Corner of Hangman’s Hollow: Memories of the Dark Horse and Other Haunts

  • The Dark Horse is the bar you find on dead planets at the far edge of star systems. Its cousins are Mos Eisley on Tatooine, and Hangman’s Hollow, last stop of the Galaxy Express.

  • Published on 2024-04-10 in Yellow Scene Magazine
• Wishful Thinking at the Waffle House

  • They say eating at a Waffle House is trench warfare. I told a friend that, to the contrary, every time I’ve gone to Waffle House at 2 AM I’ve been treated with nothing but respect.

    My friend smirked. That’s because you’re the most polite person to ever visit a Waffle House at 2 AM.

  • Published on 2024-01-09 in Yellow Scene Magazine
• When Heroes Fade
  • I can’t tell you why Scott Adams changed, but I know I miss the man I once met.
  • Published on 2023-07-06 in Yellow Scene Magazine
• Dear Graduate
  • Here’s the advice I wish someone had given me when I was your age.
  • Published on 2023-06-06 in the Colorado Sun

Opinon Pieces

• On “AI”

  • The path we’re headed down, with “AI” pulling us along, is no path towards logic. Is it charming that people think there’s too much logic going around today, or is it just troubling?

  • Published on 2026-10-22 in Yellow Scene magazine
• The Heart of the Nation in Ruins: The East Wing Demolished

  • [I]f “character” and “place” are not aspirations in the local township, why would they be respected at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?

  • Published on 2025-10-29 in Yellow Scene magazine
• What Texas A&M Can Learn From CU Boulder’s Darkest Hour

  • It may not be tomorrow, in a month, or in a year, but everyone in this country will know soon enough how much George Norlin they have within them.

  • Published on 2025-10-10 in Yellow Scene magazine
• So Much For Good Guys With Guns

  • The murders of seven mob members in Chicago in 1929, the original Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre, seems quaint now, and few remember it. Mass shootings are so common that days of the year are not specific enough to commemorate them.

  • Published on 2024-02-15 in Yellow Scene Magazine
• In the name of liberty, we’re turning our schools into dismal fortresses
  • Published on 2023-01-04 in the Colorado Sun
• The Vaccine Mandate vs. Tyranny of the Ignorant
  • Published on 2021-12-02 in Yellow Scene Magazine
  • Archived HTML
• Feeling Vandalized As Well
  • Published on 2021-10-12 in the Boulder Daily Camera
  • Secularism means being firmly opposed to desecration, which was the obvious intention of the Sacred Heart vandals.
  • Archived HTML
• Mary Miller Should Be Admired, Not Denounced
  • Published on 2021-02-11 in the Colorado Hometown Weekly
  • Lafayette’s understanding of its history will not be enhanced by demeaning one of its most admirable figures.
  • Archived PDF
  • Archived PNG
• In Times Like These, Polarizaton Can Bring Clarity
  • Published on 2021-01-22 in the Colorado Sun
  • Four years ago, I would have said America is a nation rooted in democracy and reason. Four years of argument and division have shown me otherwise.
  • Archived File
• Video Games Don’t Cause Violence
  • Published on 2014-01-17 in the Boulder Daily Camera
  • Throughout mankind’s history, each new means of expression has been castigated as the cause of evil in the world.
  • Archived HTML

Colorado History

• Our History Shows the Potential of Birth Announcements

  • I remembered [Harry] Kephart this past weekend because in his hands, the lowly birth announcement transcended into literature.

  • Published on 2025-06-21 in Yellow Scene magazine
• The Spanish Flu Epidemic
  • In Lafayette’s coal mining days, diseases rushed through towns like a flash flood. Extended families lived in small cottages, using chamber pots and outhouses instead of indoor sewer systems. It was then, in the autumn of 1918, that one of the deadliest epidemics in human history, the Spanish Influenza, came to Lafayette.
• Adolph Waneka
  • A history of immigration in the Northern Coal Field, including Lafayette, Erie and Louisville, is as old as the cities themselves.
• The Monarch Mine Disaster
  • January marks the anniversary of the Monarch Mine explosion, the worst accident in local mining history. The Monarch Mine was located two miles south of Louisville, and was one of the longest-running mines in the region.
• Tools of the Trade
  • By an act of Congress, anyone who went west, built a house on some land, and farmed the land, could own that land. Homesteading carried the risks of starvation, disease, and financial ruin, but the opportunity for a new start, in a new land, drove many onward.
• The Snowstorm of 1913
  • In Colorado, it remains the standard for judging other snowstorms. If it happened today, the results would be catastrophic. Over four days in December, 1913, Lafayette received 48 inches of snow.
• The Labor Day Rail Disaster
  • Yes, my friends, over one hundred years ago, there was an extensive and popular commuter rail line between Boulder and Denver. It operated from 1908 to 1926, and was even electrically-powered.
• Waneka Lake: Lafayette’s Hidden Jewel
  • The lake was closed to the public until the 1980’s. With its beautiful views of the Indian Peaks Wilderness, one former councilman at the time called it a hidden jewel. Jogging uninterrupted around the lake was thwarted because fences [had to be] hopped and weeds and bushes negotiated.
• The Lafayette Power Plant
  • A man climbs onto the plant roof and looks west. He does not wait long before he sees a light in the distance, sitting atop the Distel Farm windmill. The location is between Emma and Chester streets, the time is 1893.
• Coal Country Gridiron
  • The high school football team was a point of pride in Lafayette as it faced the hardships of the Great Depression. Chuck Waneka, who played on the championship team, recalled practicing football with work shoes held together by belts, later making his own shoes.
• When Mrs. Nixon Came To Town
  • Longmont had been visited by President Teddy Roosevelt, and Boulder by Eisenhower, but now First Lady Pat Nixon had come to Lafayette.

Press

• Denver artists double down on the human experience amid AI influx
  • Article in Westword about how Denver artists are keeping the focus on human work. I am quoted in the article about my Defy AI writing workshops.
• Grover Day hosts short stories at Museum
  • Article in Pine Bluffs Post about a live reading I did at the historic Grover Depot Museum in Grover, Colorado (paywalled).
  • PDF scan of print article
• Finding Denver Payphones
  • YouTube (1 min. 20 sec.)
  • News piece on Denver’s FOX 31 about my project to find working Colorado payphones.
• Stolen Cope Phone Booth triggers interest with 9News
  • Part 1 (PDF)
  • Part 2 (PDF)
• Lafayette to conduct survey of residents over Miller name, history
  • Reprint of article from Colorado Hometown Weekly
  • Original Link
  • Archived Copy
• Lafayette to conduct survey of residents over Miller name, history
  • Article in the Colorado Hometown Weekly about the Miller affair. I am quoted as defending Mary Miller against new allegations.
  • Original Link
  • Archived Copy
• Lafayette residents start petition to change name of housing development
  • Article in the Colorado Hometown weekly about changing the name of a development, I am quoted as defending the original name.
  • Original Link
  • Archived Copy
• Grand Gazette
  • Article in the Grand Gazette newspaper about an upcoming lecture at the Cozens Ranch Museum in Fraser (page 19, next to Kevin Sorbo’s Picture).
  • Original Link
• KFFR
  • Radio interview with KFFR about November in America, and an upcoming lecture at the Cozens Ranch Museum.
• Local Historian Hosts Coal Miner Memorial For Labor Day
  • Original Link
  • Archived Page
• KGNU Morning Magazine Podcast
  • Story about September 1^st Miner’s Ceremony on KGNU’s Morning Magazine, features audio from the event.
  • Original Link
• KGNU
  • KGNU radio interview with Nicholas Bernhard about September 1^st Miner’s Ceremony.
  • Original Link
• CU Grad’s Blackstone's Equation Documentary Shows On Campus
  • Original Link
  • Archived Copy
• Screening Announcement for Blackstone’s Equation in the Kiowa County Press
  • Original Link
  • Archived Screenshot
• Detective Jim Broderick Resigns
  • Original Link
  • Archived Copy

Other Stuff

• Every book I’ve read since 2018
• The Harlan Ellison Directory
• A bibliography of Stephen King’s Danse Macabre
• A directory of working Colorado payphones
• A guide to setting up a website

• Tuesdays Report

  This is the first JavaScript I ever wrote for a job.

• News websites that don’t require JavaScript:
  • CNN Lite
  • NPR Text-Only
  • CBC Low-Bandwidth
  • Christian Science Monitor, Text Edition
  • Legible News (news from Wikipedia)

• Lord of the Rings, Hayden’d

  I always thought there would be a new edition of Fellowship of the Ring that replaced Ian Holm in the Prologue with footage from The Hobbit, Part 1, similar to the way Hayden Christiansen was added into The Return of the Jedi. This video is an edit I made of what that might look like.

• Mixtape Highlights (MP3)

  These are some excerpts from a real, honest-to-god, tape-recorder-held-against-the-car-stereo, 1987 mixtape. I found this cassette at a thrift store near my house.

• “Voicemail” (MP3)

  This is another cassette tape I found at a thrift store. The tape came in a box with someone’s home address on it. The idea was that instead of writing a letter, someone would narrate onto a tape and mail it out.